The Tree

Every so often I stand in the breakfast nook of my kitchen and gaze out the window which looks out on my front yard. Peering over the crest of the overgrown globe cedars which threaten to devour my view, I gaze upon the tree that those who owned the house before me decided to plant.



Is that not the sorriest looking tree you've ever seen? I feel like I should be wrapping a blue blankey around it like Linus in A Charlie Brown Christmas. Will it look better if I shower it with love? Does anyone even know what kind of tree it is? Honestly, I'm clueless. If you happen to be an expert when it comes to coniferous or deciduousness, please feel free to drop me a line, because quite frankly, I don't even know if it's SUPPOSED to look like that.

However, I think I did figure out why they decided to plant a tree in the middle of my postage stamp sized front lot. Take one generous sidestep to the right. There you go.

Remember that time....when we watched Gymkata....about the dude with wicked skills in Gymnastics and Ninjitsu....that was Awesome!

The memory is a funny thing.

Have you ever remembered seeing a movie that you thought was really cool when you saw it a long time ago, and then upon seeing it again question your own sanity? Or worse.....did you talk up this movie to friends, saying things like, "You've got to see this movie. It's AWESOME!" And through your insistence, you were able to get them to sit down with you and watch said movie, only to realize about 10 minutes in that you've made a grave mistake.

I have.

Twice.

In both instances, the unfortunate saps who listened to me were my buddies Cory and Daryn. The offending movies were Gymkata and Prayer of the Rollerboys.

Seriously....what was I thinking?

Of course, every once in a while memory serves you correctly, such as in the case of Playing By Heart which I just located at MusicWorld a few days ago (after repeated searches of DVD racks in stores across Canada). I'm glad I have it to add to my collection. It's worth checking out.

Really. It's way better than Gymkata.

Now That's Unfortunate

Lately, the wife and I have been discussing possible names for our soon-to-be addition to the family. It reminds me of how important it is to pick a good name that hopefully won't result in your child being the butt of jokes and so forth. It is also probably wise to consider the context of the name in other cultures.

For example, I was at a Tim Horton's near the airport in Toronto about a week ago and saw an East Indian lady working the drive-thru. As I glanced at her nametag, this is what I saw:

MANHOOR

Whoa. That's a pretty unfortunate name, I thought to myself. Kids in the playground could have a field day with that one. I thought for certain that I had misread, so I paid careful attention the next time she came around. Turns out I was right......it wasn't MANHOOR at all.

It was MAHNOOR.

Yeah. No joke to be made there.

Me And My Peeps

Attention!

This is an emergency broadcast of The Greatest Blog Ever Written. You are instructed to proceed directly to the following site:

25peeps.com

If you see this picture......



....click on it.

Don't ask questions.

Do it.

Hey, isn't that....???

Being from the small city of Sudbury, Ontario, where the claim to fame is being the birthplace of Alex Trebek, celebrity sighting was never something that I was ever exposed to.

With my job these days, however, I at times find myself rubbing shoulders with people I never would have guessed I'd see anywhere other than on television or the silver screen (or on a stage from a distance). This past weekend alone, I was in contact with:

Bill Gates
Richard Gere
Sandra Oh
Alicia Keyes
Chantal Kreviazuk
Raine Maida

And let's not forget her and these two.

I'm not the kind of guy to stand in awe of celebrities. They are just people, after all. Nonetheless, it is pretty cool to be in the presence of people who are so well-known.

I Know That Guy

Let's try and push those maggots a little further down the page, shall we?

I was working yesterday....standing outside the main entrance to the Toronto Zoo, dressed in too many layers of clothing and baking in the heat. As I stood around waiting (which my job provides plenty of opportunity to do), I started to watch people coming and going from the zoo. After about an hour of this, I saw him.

[squint]

Heeeeey........that's KENNY!!!

[beat]

[beat]

Who the hell is Kenny? I know him, but I can't remember how I know him. But I think he's from the Sudbury area. I think my sister knows him.

Kim.......who is Kenny?

Also, I saw someone who looked like Dustin Diamond (Screech from Saved By The Bell) downtown. It probably wasn't him, but I just thought I'd share that.

And some paparazzi asked me if I was guarding anyone important, because he was waiting to snap a shot of Mariah Carey. I tried to catch his nose in my power window, but he was too quick.

Back to work.

The Two Things That Scared The Crap Out Of Me Today

I like to consider myself a relatively brave and courageous guy who doesn't let too much rattle him.

Well maybe when a big spider lands on me without my knowing, and then when I turn my head to look over my shoulder I see it crawling towards my face. That might rattle me a little.

And I suppose getting up on a high ladder. Or a plane.

Maybe my friend Cory's driving would do it too.

Okay...so maybe I'm a bit of a chicken. So imagine my surprise and horror at what I encountered today. There I was, taking some garbage out to the garage. A relatively uneventful chore.

Most days.

I flipped the lid of the trash can and saw this:



SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! I don't know if I actually said that. It may have been more along the lines of:

EEYYAAARRGGGHHHHHHHH! *flings garbage can lid away*

It's not really something you expect to see when you open your trusty Rubbermaid container; a seething, roiling mountain of MAGGOTS! If you are looking for a way to make a grown man lose his sh!t in a hurry, I suggest that that is a very good way to do it. Seriously. I ran to get my digital camera to take a picture, but by the time I got back they had all scurried to the bottom of the can like Vampires fleeing sunlight. And the batteries of my camera were dead.

And don't even get me started on the smell. I'm not sure if this whole episode was the result of the chicken bones, the cobbs of corn, or the baggies of dog excrement (a virtual pot-pourri, I know), but whatever was the cause, maggots were the result. So I spent the next hour trying to clean the mess, a task which included dumping a bunch of garbage on my driveway and unleashing a sea of white, squirming parasites. Luckily, most of my neighbours have jobs so weren't around late on a Wednesday morning. Otherwise, property values may have plummetted.

So there you have it....luckily I didn't retch. Oh....I said there were two things that scared the crap out of me today, didn't I? The other one happened when I walked into one of the upstairs bedrooms in my house.



Holy Furniture for Infants, Batman! I'm gonna be a Dad.

At least that's a good fear, and I won't have to deal with bad smells and filthy garbage and crawling...............

Expect the Unexpected

Ahem. *cough* Uh...yeah...hi....my name is Dave, and I watch Big Brother.

Okay. There. I said it.



Now I need to say something else.

What the hell is wrong with these houseguests that they haven't turfed Dr. Evil yet? Were they sick the day they showed Season 2 in Houseguest school? Now don't get me wrong, I love watching Will play. In truth, I'm rooting for him to win (and I think he has a very good shot at that at this point). Seriously, who is more entertaining to watch than Mr. "Circuitry and Wires". And yet, I'm forced to laugh at the others in the house who don't see him as a threat.

But I think I get it.

This is Big Brother All-Stars. So every fool who walked into the house thinks that they are the best player ever to play the game and count themselves smarter than the rest of their housemates. The fact of the matter remains though, that Will is the only one in the house to have actually WON the game. I'm sure they're telling themselves that they'll keep him around for the final 2 so they will win the money since Will already won. But that's stupid. If I were on the jury, I'd still vote for Will to win.

And enough already of Benedict "James" Arnold's crying about Season 6 and Janelle's nomination of Diane. If I recall, James spent his week as HoH trying to oust "Chicken" George, and ultimately ended up getting rid of Jase. Boohoohoo. If he wanted Will or Boogie gone, he should have nominated them. And the bit about how his nominations were for the team and Janelle's were for herself......I seem to doubt that James would do anything that went against his self interest, even if that interest turned out to be keeping his own alliance happy (in which he is owed the least loyalty).

"Chicken" George? Really? Was he a threat? The dude thinks he's still on Season One and trying to win by impressing "America".

Will has the right mentality. It's a game. Have fun with it. Shake things up. Always keep them guessing.

That's why he's dangerous....and I would have booted him first.

The Ripples Continue

I was going to post something else this morning, but I've been pleasantly distracted. Given that, I am left with no viable alternative but to once again plug the current projects of Jessica Stover.

If you read this blog, that should not be an unfamiliar name to you. I've mentioned her site on a previous occassions. You might remember my reference to The Demand. Have you demanded a screening of Jessica's movie project TSL in your city yet? No? Why the hell not?

You disappoint me.

Anyway, you might be thinking to yourself, "Why is Dave babbling on about Jessica Stover.....AGAIN!?". Well, it's because she's just relaunched her site with a new redesign and more information and concept art for her movie project. I implore you to go and check it out, and dare you not to be impressed.

So click on the picture and go forth to JSDC.

And then go demand a screening.

Yes...now.

Edit: Image removed for purposes of copyright. Click on the link to discover the graphic awesomeness at JSDC for yourself. (Seriously....just click. It's not that hard.)