Know what irks me? The apple display at the supermarket. Ever notice how they always stack the apples with the imperfections facing down. You go to grab one thinking it looks good, then turn it over and see it has a bruise the size of Mikhail Gorbachev's birthmark on it. So I end up going through all the freakin' apples in search of the good ones, and in the process upset the delicate balance of the apple pyramid, causing a landslide.

One of these days the stock boy is going to catch a Golden Delicious right in the freakin' temple.